"A man's called a traitor or liberator. A rich man's a thief or philanthropist. Is one a crusader or ruthless invader? It's all in which label is able to persist. There are precious few at ease with moral ambiguities, so we act as though they don't exist." -"Wonderful," Wicked
Hello, Piece.
Hope you're having a lovely night wherever you happen to be. I wanted to fill you in on an interesting situation my brain is stuck on. Perhaps, you can shed some light on it for me. Perhaps, just writing it down will make it make sense in my head. Perhaps, I'm just full of shit. Regardless, here's the deal.
I have a roommate. (Well, actually I have three, but for the sake of this story, the one is important to recognize.)
I have a roommate who's dating this guy. (She swears they aren't dating. Just "going on dates" - which is definitely NOT the definition of dating (*insert sarcasm here*) - but for the sake of this story, they're dating.)
This roommate has issues with the guy she's dating because he's Catholic. You see, Piece, this roommate seems to believe that there's no reason to date if there's no chance she will marry the man in question, and since he's Catholic and she'll NEVER become Catholic then their relationship (or lack of relationship since they aren't dating (*SARCASM SARCASM SARCASM*)) isn't worth it.
Now, yes. The anti-Catholic sentiment this roommate possesses bothers me immensely. I'm Catholic. You can't bash Catholics, and then turn around and say we're best buddies. It doesn't work like that, and I'm working on figuring out a solution. It's been a wrinkle in our relationship, but that's not the point of the story.
One of this roommate's highest priorities is her faith. That's fair. Nothing against that. She goes to a church group on my college campus. She breaks out her Bible in our living room. She goes to church when she's not working Sundays, and she doesn't have to get up too early, and she has a ride. She hates Catholics. (Not that that last bit is really relevant. I'm just beginning to think that it's a staple in any non-Catholic religion, to hate Catholics. Thought I'd throw it in while I was thinking about it.)
This roommate believes that the only way to heaven is the way she sees it. Believe in Jesus her way. Practice religion her way. Do what her church says to do. Everyone else is doing it wrong. This roommate can only date people who can follow what she dictates as the right path, and as far as I can tell, she feels little need to entertain a discussion in which she may be wrong on the subject. It's sort of a you're-either-with-me-or-against-me sort of mentality.
Alright, Piece. Here's where it gets tricky.
This roommate obviously knows what she expects out of religion. She has her convictions, regardless of whether I approve of her methods or not. She'll associate herself with people who feel the same as she does. She'll only date a man she'll marry. She'll only marry a man with the same religious beliefs.
I'm the opposite. I have issues with religion. I question it. There are parts that I don't believe in or agree with. I don't go to church regularly (though I do my best to pray every night). I'll associate myself with anyone who is willing to discuss religion rather than debate it. I feel like I grow from conversations like that.
And honestly, Piece, I could give a rat's ass what religion my future husband subscribes to. Sure, things could get complicated if he's Jewish or Buddhist or something of the like, but I wouldn't have any problem trying to work something out. (My mother would say otherwise, but she's not the one marrying the man, so it's a moot point.)
So, here's the question: Does my roommate's conviction to only date a man she'll marry (who thus has the same religious beliefs as her) mean her faith is stronger than mine, that my convictions and actions mean less? Or does it simply mean that I'm a more tolerant person?
It's a very tricky balance, Piece. One I'm not sure I have a grasp on yet. Hopefully, I can come up with an answer soon. Perhaps, there's no answer to find. Either way, I have a puzzle on my hands. A puzzle I'm dying to solve, and while I wait to see how all the pieces will come together, I'll wait for you, Piece. I'm sure you fit into this jumble somehow.
I promise to leave space for you. One space for the piece I'm missing.
Goodnight, my Missing Piece. Sleep well. God bless.
Dear Searcher,
ReplyDeleteI believe you have your head in the right place, regardless of your quest to discover your personal solution in religion. Due to your nature to question it and search for something that perhaps allows you to feel more connected or is, dare I say, more universal, makes you more tolerant than your friend.
Personally, I think your friend has a biased view on religion, because she has determined her views and stuck to it. In a way, something can be said for her steadfast devotion to it, since that can be a rare commodity these days.... In general however, people like that can be difficult since it can make it hard for them to respect what other people believe. Sometimes, they can balance it so that while they may not agree with someone else's religion, they will respect it and the conversation will end right there. No harm to either party. However, some are convinced that they know the answer and will preach it to their heart's content. Your friend may be of this variety, which is something she will have to sort out.
My advice to you, is to let it go until it comes up again. If she drops a few hate lines your way, fire back with a few spicy comments yourself, or better yet, remind her calmly that you're still Catholic and would like her to respect that. If she's your friend, which I expect she is, she'll watch her tongue. She may not change her beliefs, but over time, there's a chance. Otherwise, take comfort in knowing there will be a time someone will challenge her, in the way this 'suitor' is. Religion can be interpreted in a variety of ways; it's unlikely for her to remain in tunnel-vision, if that's indeed what she's in, for long.
As always,
Another wandering Piece